Saturday, September 8, 2007

God To Team With Richardson?

Mike Huckleberry Miffed at Riff

The Sioux City audience was dispersing after HillyBilly and Obamalamadama had performed, when closing act, William Blaine "Bill" Richardson III (D-NM) took the stage. As whispers of "Who's that guy?" floated through the dwindling crowd, Richardson quietly announced, "The Lord has spoken..." Nothing, except monster trucks, gets a Sioux City crowd's attention faster than talking lords, so as one it turned in time to see the overcast skies part and a giant, silvery beam of pure light shone down on Richardson's third-tier body. He shimmered and seemed to expand by several percentage points (+/-3 margin of error) as he spread his arms and, verily, did sayeth: "Iowa, for good reason...for con-sti-tu-tional reasons, for reasons related to the Lord, should be the first caucus and primary."*

"And even as he spoke it was so," reported David Yawpson, senior politics-as-entertainment editor for the Des Moines Register-Picayune in his weekly column, The Barbaric Yawp. "Richardson has surged. From here," Yawpson continued in his copyrighted story, gleaned here without permission, "he can only go forward. He has The Lord (TM)** on his side now, and the Republicans will wake up tomorrow wondering who'd lost their Lord."

Across town, Republican late entry, Freddie Boom-Boom Law and/or Order Thompson, upon being told of The Lord's defection from the Republican Party immediately "aw-shucked" and with his campaign banjo on his knee told a story about how he once saved the world from nuclear holocaust. He then, paused, seemed to listen to a faraway voice, chuckled and said, "We’ve got to learn to skip and chew gum at the same time."*** Dozens of Young Republicans in the crowd cast aside their Romney signs and openly wept with joy, knowing The Lord (TM) was still in their midst.


***

* Actual quote.
**"The Lord" is still a trademark protected phrase owned by the Republican National Committee, all rights reserved.
*** Actual quote.
Dateline: SUX, Iowa Artie Azzetti, editor-on-the-lam, The Blog Party News (c), all rewrites rehearsed.

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