Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Hillary Action Figure Shoots Self in Foot
Many presidential candidates have tried to claim the Ronald Reagan mantle—McCain by confusing Iran and Iraq, Romney by attempting the “ah shucks” pose and, now, The Desperate Democrat (TM), Senator Hillary Clinton, has taken a shot at faking one for the Gipper only to find her aim and memory a tad unreliable. In a recent press conference, Hillary faded into Reaganesque memory mode and thrilled reporters with her daring 1996 raid on Tuzla, Bosnia. Spinning a ripping yarn of the former First Lady dodging sniper fire, pulling hand grenade pins with her teeth while scooping an eight-year old child off the airport ramp, “Rocky” Clinton was determined to show voters that she—not McCain—was the tough guy, hinting that, perhaps, McCain’s war record paled in comparison to her Commando First Lady days.
Anonymous sources now support Senator Clinton’s war memories and confirm that The Clintons, LLC, ™ Action Team has released a limited edition Hillary Action Hero Figure (TM), complete with eye patch, M-16, grenade launcher plus paste-on battle wounds and medals to compliment her Camouflage Pants Suits (White House 3 AM Red Phone sold separately).
Insiders on The Clintons, LLC Delta Force hint that they may have uncovered evidence that Senator John McCain never served in the Navy, as he's claimed all these years and, "In fact," the unnamed source added, "We don't believe he was a POW in the Hanoi Hilton for five-and-a-half years but, instead was hiding in the Honolulu Hilton while The Clintons, LLC (TM) were fighting in Vietnam!" Senator McCain was in a special AP World Geo-Politics class given by Professor Joseph Lieberman and unavailable for comment until he'd done his homework.