Ralph Nader Challenges McCain To Race of the Ages

He'll Never Catch Me!

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In a surprise move, perennial presidential candidate and Corvair hater, Ralph Nader, launched his bid for President of the United States, much as other candidates, now forgotten, had--with a rally at the Iowa Sate Fairgrounds. Standing tall on a snowy stage, Nader addressed his supporter with a rousing speech about the benefits of a high-fiber diet and an expose on kitchen appliance that don't really make mounds of jullien fries. He stopped briefly to answer a question from the press corps, Sharon Klontz of the Jackson County FFA News: "Ah, Mister Neber, sir, what are you doing here? The Iowa Caucus was months ago and the Fair isn't until August."

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Ralph didn't flinch under the withering media scrutiny. "Why am I running?" his gestures seemed to reply. “If there was no other reason to run — other than the civil liberties, civil rights issue of ballot access — it’d be worth it.”* He then left the stage escorted by a homeless man pushing a shopping cart full of Nader For President '04 pamphlets with the '04 crossed out and '08 penciled in.

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Klontz, who has since been hired by the Blog Party News Network (BPNN), canvassed the crowd asking, "What do you think of Ralph Nader?" Justin Milsap of West Des Moines--the crowd--answered, "Um, I was, like, here for, you know, a job interview to run the Tilt-O-Whirl next season, and, like, I got lost, but something about this dude standing on, like, a stage, in the snow made me think he just might be the real thing." Milsap then added, "But he wasn't...Do you know where the Tilt-O-Whirl is?" She did.

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When asked about Nader's late entry into the '08 campaign, The Clintons, LLC (TM) scowled, Barrage Obama took notes, and McCain called Nader an old fart and that he was ready to fight him for a hundred years if that's what it took to convince his dear friends that he was a real conservative.

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dateline: Des Moines, Iowa--again--Artie Azzetti and Sharon Klontz, Blog Party News Network (BPNN) ©, all rights refried.

* real quote