Recession Ends!
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In a rare kumbuya photo moment, Speaker Nancy Pelosi appeared on stage at the Viva Las Vegas Gaming By Government Convention beside Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson, Jr., to announce the passage of the bi-partisan, bi-polar, by golly Economic Stimulus Package 2.0. “We are making history," the joint commission on spending other people's money declared while tazing a middle class taxpayer in effigy. "What has passed the Congress in record time is a gift to the middle class and those who aspire to it in our country.” *
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Reaction was immediate as dozens of taxpayers responded warmly to the "gift" from their government by announcing that they would immediatly borrow more on their already-leveraged homes and credit cards. "It's the only American thing to do," Janice Bellwether of St. Cloud, Mn. said when interviewed in the oxygen tent at the Mall of the Americas outside Minneapolis. "It supports the troops," she added. "And shows France that...that we're not France and are still number one as we Go Forward!" She then held aloft a large, foam, red-white-blue, made-in-Russia, #1 finger to punctuate her stance while chanting, "As we go forward! As we go forward!"
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Other grateful middle-class American taxpayers declared their love for Pelosi and Paulson Junior's "gift" by saying they'd buy more Indian car parts and Venezuelan oil.
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Survivors of the recent Super Taco Tuesday episode of America's Favorite Candidate ** were quick to share in the Pelosi/Paulson, Junior success. "I'm suspending my campaign," Willy Milton Romney announced just minutes before the Pelosi/Paulson, Junior Gift to America was announced, whereupon, Romney--going against tradition--changed his mind. "With my rebate, I will continue my campaign to become America's Favorite Candidate!" BPNN accountants did the math and figuring Romney earned no more than $75,000 in 2007, he should receive $1,200 (married, filing jointly) plus $300 per child, in rebates, which nets the Reborn Romney campaign roughly $123,000,000, enough to carry his message of conservative change to the Republican convention to be held in August at the Minneapolis Mall of the Americas.
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Candidate, and presumptive front-runner (the Dean sympton of an imploding candidacy), Mickey "I'm Really, Really a Conservative" McCain, voted for giving the "gift" to the Pelosi/Paulson, Junior masses--this, after originally not voting for it.
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Not to be outdone, The Clintons, LLC, fresh from their stunning primary victory in American Samoa, announced through an attorney that the stimulus rebate was their collective idea and that if they're elected, the gifts will be even bigger.
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Governor/Pastor Mike Huckleberry, of Arkansas, was unavailable for comment as he and Senator Obamalamadama were jamming all night at the Blue Note jazz club in Manhattan. A person-of-spokes for the Governor/Pastor/Bassman said, "Like, the Huckman, was, you know, so on the beat tonight playing his hit single, Down With the IRS...we're taking this mojo all the way to Mall of the Americas, dude."
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The IRS Director, Henry F. Potter, said that rebate checks should be in the mail as soon as financing was secured from the Bank of Mao in Beijing, and taxpayers should have their gifts in time to pay their 2007 taxes.
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* actual quote, NY Times, February 8, 2008
** FoxTV
dateline: Las Vegas, Nv., Artie Azzetti, editor-on-the-lam, Blog Party News Network (BPNN) ©, all rights refinanced.
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