Mitt Sox Colorado

Iowa Next?

Mitt The Kid Glove Romney, strode onto the field at Boston's Fenway Park last night before Game 1 of the 2007 World Series/Caucus to toss out the first unbeliever and simultaneously launch sidearm high heat at the Democrats (or Terrorists; that distinction has been muddied in this campaign): "Just look at what Osam, uh, Barack Obama, said just yesterday, Barack Obama, calling on radicals, jihadists of all different types, to come together in Iraq."* The Fenway Park crowd of 47 million adoring fans of their former governor, instantly broke into song: "Come together, right now...over Mitt!"

Massachusetts Governor Romney then rose in a swirl of honey bees and was placed in the highest sky box to watch his Red Sox paste the devil-worshipping Colorado Rockies 130-1. Mitt barely suppressed a smirk as his youngest son, Dustin, led the Red Sox order with a homer off the rim of the center field Green Monster. Mitt's middle son, Josh, rallied the Romney boys' defense of their Dad's presidential run by pitching a nearly perfect game, allowing only one run when Hilly/Billy Clinton momentarily distracted him by skywriting above the stadium: "This ain't Iowa!" Two of Romney's other sons--Manny and Youk--made certain Dad's line drive for the White House remained on course with performances Boston hasn't seen since the Romney family led troops up nearby Bunker Hill in 1775.

Meanwhile, Colorado's manager, Tom Tancredo, could be seen rending his garments and weeping visibly in the Rockies' dugout as he sent his last reliever pitcher, 12-year-old Little Leaguer, Ronnie Paul from Greeley, CO, in to face the the Romney juggernaut. Paul is reported to be resting in stable condition.

After the game, a Mitt aide reportedly said to this BPNN reporter: "Major League Baseball teams just shouldn't be named for states, that's the point we made and the point that will spearhead this team to the White House..."** Tancredo meanwhile seemed to collapse when told that Game #2 would be fought against Romney's eldest son, Curt.

Elsewhere: In response to Romney's unprecedented march through Boston, rival candidate Rudy The G-Man Giuliani redoubled his efforts by reportedly telling a packed crowd of 37 at a newly opened IHOP*** in Elsewhere, Iowa that "Iowans have nothing....nothing to fear but should...so," he warned, "Stay very, very afraid."**** Sadly for Rudy, most Iowans aren't afraid and were home watching the series and quietly mourning the Cubs.

***

*actual quote. Tomato/potato, they're all good.

**unverified at press time...or any time for that matter.

***IHOP Iowa House of Politics, not affiliated with IHOP--International House of Parody.

****unverified but reasonable

Dateline: Boston, Artie Azzetti, sports editor-on-the-lam, Blog Party News Network-Sports (BPNN-S), all rights returned.