Romney Leads Red Sox To Victory

Not since Rudy The G-Man Giuliani led the '69 NY Mets to the World Series has a baseball club rallied behind a leader such as Mitt (as in baseball) Kid-Glove Romney. Or so was the impression the former Governor of Massachusetts, wearing BoSox red, seemed to convey during last night's Republican cage debate, during which Senator McCain responded by pulling off his face mask and knee guards to show fellow candidates what real leadership scars looked like, noting that he couldn't attend the '69 World Series (or '69 Woodstock for that matter* ) because, as the former Navy pilot and POW noted: "I was tied up at the time." **

Mitt lost no time responding that he, too, was otherwise committed in 1969, saving Parisians from perdition as a Mormon missionary and therefore unable to serve in either the US military or Major League Baseball. And without drawing breath--as though breathing through gills--Mitt said that his five sons--all of eligible baseball age--could have and would have played for the Red Sox, but chose, instead, to support their dad in his line drive for the White House. "Although," the former Massachusetts governor quickly reminded, "I'm not now pro-choice." To which Giuliani blew a loud raspberry and stage-whispered, "Been there, done that, got the wet T-shirt."

Mike Huckleberry (R-AR) desperately tried to remind the candidates that Ronald Reagan (D&R CA)--who'd played many a warrior, sports hero and a US president with convincing skill--had warned on his deathbed that Republicans should never attack Republicans. Whereupon, Giuliani shot a spit wad across the room at Huckleberry. It missed, ricocheted off Tancredo--known as the Green Card Monster of Politics--and caught former TV star Freddie Boom-Boom Law and/or Order Thompson (R-NBC) square in the jowls. As moderator Chris Mathews waded into the GOP meltdown, Huckleberry pleaded to the camera for comity, quoting Martin Luther King: "Can't we all just get along?" McCain pulled down his catcher's mask, leaped atop his rostrum and howled: "Never Give Up! Never Surrender!" ***

Luckily, for the GOP, no one was watching as the nation's TVs were set to witness Boston beat the beans out of Cleveland 11-2. Tancredo (R-CO), however, mumbled something about the National League champion Colorado Rockies being unbeatable. He then weighed into the fight hoping to collar an illegal immigrant among the candidates.

***

*Woodstock, for those who can't forget...or remember, will soon be re-immortalized thanks to a million-dollar taxpayer grant for a Woodstock Museum, compliments of HillyBilly Clinton (D-NY)

**Actual quote

*** © Galaxy Quest, used without permission by the McCain Rebirth Campaign

Dateline: River City, Iowa, Artie Azzetti, Editor-on-the-Lam, BPNN (Blog Party News Network) (TM), all rights returned.