Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Clintons Show Steel In Philly

Democratic candidates came together last night in the City of Brotherly Love for a rare display of unity to kick the tar out of the Hilly/Billy Clintons (D-NY, ETC)...or so they hoped. Candidate Obalamadama (D-CHI) seemed to lead the suicide attack by strapping on the threadbare Rush Limbaugh mantle of If You Can't Say Anything Nice, Just Say 'Clinton'. The half-term Senator from Chicago forgot that Rush is a clown, so his imitation of the Republican court jester took some of the sting out his stab: “It is the fight that we’ve been through since the ’90s," Obamalamada said. "And part of the job of the next president is to break the gridlock and to get Democrats and independents and Republicans to start working together to solve these big problems.”* Those big problems, presumably, being Clintons--maybe Bushcheneys--it was a little unclear to this reporter.
Former Senator Johnny Edwards (D-IA...er, NC) egged Obamalama on, whispering that he knew a good lawyer in case this tactic failed. He could be seen slipping him a business card on which was printed, Edwards, would make a swell VP. Works on contingency. Call.
Clintons, dazed but still standing, replied: “I need to rebut that,"** Whereupon her supporters broke with NBC debate protocol and chanted "Rebut that! Rebut that..." until moderator Tim Russet threatened to "clear the courtroom if there was one more outburst. This is a circus not a debate...ah, a debacle, not a, a ...oh, never mind."
Two bright spots in the Democrats' evening of discontent were Bill Richards (D-NM), sporting a black cape and mask, jumping to Clintons' defense. Waving a sword and stroking his pencil-thin mustache he challenged his fellow candiditoes to "Unhand that fairly lady. These are no ways for Democraticos for to be behaving. It is the Senor Bushcheneys we must defeat. There is no honor on this path you have chosen." He then rode off on his white charger and was never heard from again. Dennis Kuspinich (D-OH!) took advantage of the awkward silence that followed to announce that he'd seen a UFO. Whereupon, everyone laughed, and theme music rose to indicate that another episode of Democrat Party! © had come to a close. Citing low ratings, though, NBC subsequently announced that the political sitcom was being replaced by Howie Mandel's Republican reality show: Appeal/No Appeal ©, in which a half-dozen rich white guys in dark suits vie to hide their pasts and appear tougher than an old Vietnam POW/fighter pilot. Early audience response seems to indicate a possible hit series with comments such as "Rudy's imitation of the Fonz is killer, just killer," a likely voter from Des Moines said.
***
Dateline: Philadelphia, Artie Azzetti, editor-on-the lam, Blog Party News Network (BPNN) ©, all rights regurgitated, opinions may vary.
* Actual quote
**Actual quote

No comments: