Candidates Speechless!
With presidential hopefuls wandering wordlessly across freshly harvested Iowa cornfields in desperate search for quips and original thoughts, neither party can deny the effects wrought by the Speechwriters Guild strike, now entering its second week and causing even Blog Party News Network (BPNN) writers to resort to excessive adjective build-up, camp metaphor and lack of sentence-ending punctuation..."We're reduced to using an ellipse at the end of every darn sentence..." said David Yawpson, the Politics-As-Entertainment editor for the Des Moines Register-Picayune, where staff writers--although not Guild members, themselves--refuse to cross striking writer picket lines, "Unless there's, like, an exclusive, you know...um, interview just sitting there," Yawpson admitted while flashing his boyish grin, recognizable by viewers of his hit PBS TV series, The Barbaric Yawp...and with no end to that sentence in sight, we're forced to shift to a new paragraph.
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Seemingly unaffected by the Writers Strike (TM) is former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckleberry, who's amassed a war chest of words, most from Ye Olde Testament! © and therefore considered, by some, to be in public domain. When confronted by fellow self-proclaimed conservative alternative to Rudy The G-Man Giuliani, Freddie Boom-Boom-Law-and/or-Order Thompson pulled out all the metaphorical stops and stopped just short of calling Huckleberry a "Hillary" by, instead, labeling him a “pro-life liberal.”*
Bold talk for a one-term fat man, but former fat man Huckleberry, dressed in flowing robe and sandals shot back: "Lo! Verily though the Writers Guild beith on strike, and Fred doth struggle to get some lines,” he paused to allow the swelling masses to catch up on his march across the vast Iowa landscape, “Whoever doth put such line together doth writeth for the comedy and, verily, not for a serious political drama.”**
Outside a nearby MaidRite (TM) cafe, a bush burst into flame.
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***
Dateline: Ecclesiastes, Iowa, Artie Azzetti, Editor-on-the-Lam, Blog Party News Network ©, all rights conferred by a First Amendment-loving God.
*True quote. Unbelievable but true.
**Actual quote...well, close to the actual thing. Go to and judgeth for thine self: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/09/us/politics/09huckabee.html?_r=1&ref=todayspaper&oref=slogin
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