Thursday, November 1, 2007

Rudy's Mouthpiece Takes Biden Bait

Referring to Joe Bidentime as “The good senator,"* Rudy The G-Man Giuliani's communications director, Katie Levinson (rumored to be one of the ex-mayor's next ex-wives) signaled that the Giuliani team sees the Delaware senator as a clear and present threat in 2008 and not the also-ran as viewed by most Iowa Democrats.
Beyond being merely "good" Ms. Levinson went on to explain that Joe "is quite correct that there are many differences between Rudy and him.”* She then reached back two decades to Bidentime's failure to footnote sources in a Poli-Sci 101 term paper he'd handed in while still a sophomore in presidential politics: “For starters,” Ms. Levinson continued, “Rudy..." The casual, almost familiar, use of the the former mayor's first name should be noted here: "(Rudy) rarely reads prepared speeches..." *
Levinson then clarified that apparently when Rudy does read so-called prepared speeches "he isn’t prone to ripping off the text from others. And," she continued her attack with a metaphorical shift, "Senator Biden certainly falls into the bucket of those (at the recent Democrat Philly-Whup-Hilly debate) who have never had executive experience and have never run anything."*
In fairness, it should be noted that the Delaware senator had run for president in 1988, losing because of the improperly-cited (plagiarized) passage and the fact that his paper was not typed.
"Wait," Levinson then added, as though having an original thought, while turning to the next page in her prepared statement, "I take that back; Senator Biden has never run anything (wait for it...) but his mouth.”*
This neener-neener-neener comment seemed to signal the next phase of Rudy's campaign to win in Iowa, or at least be distinguishable from the other out-of-staters in gray suits posing in bean fields. Rudy's campaign supporters immediately held up signs reading Has Run More Than His Mouth! when to everyone's surprise, Ms. Levinson, pulled off her glasses, undid the top button on her Republican clothe blouse and announced: "I, Katie Levinson, have a better chance of becoming president than he does!” *
Rudy supporters looked momentarily stunned, but being well-trained, instantly dropped their Rudy placards and replaced them with lipstick red: Katie--A Better Chance!
In a faraway castle, atop a dark mountain shrouded in fog, Senator Hilly/Billy Clintons, surrounded by winged monkeys, watched the shifting images in her crystal ball and smiled. "We'll see about your 'better chance,' my pretty." Her cackling laugh sent shivers through all the Who's in Whoville, Iowa, who--unbeknown to her--slowly found the courage to stand up to her dinner-time robo-calls.
As for the Delaware senator, who had been polling in single digits in the Ethanol State, Joe Bidentime was scheduled to speak at the opening of a new IHOP (TM) (Iowa House of Politics ©) in River City, Iowa, ** but was, instead, spotted by the Des Moines Register-Picayune's Politics-As-Entertainment editor, David Yawpson, at a Kinko's copying parts of the Gettysburg address for his next stump speech.
***
Dateline: Indianola, Iowa, Artie Azzetti, editor-on-the-lam, Blog Party News Network (BPNN) ©, all rights reworded.
* Actual lengthy Levinson statement taken out of context, because it's just too boring to run unedited with an imagined background and laugh track. To read the more-or-less complete text of Levinson's rant, visit NY Times Nov 1 edition.
** Real place and future birthplace of Captain James Tiberius Kirk
IHOP: Iowa House Of Politics, a division of the International House Of Parody (TM). Not affiliated with pancakes, international, domestic or otherwise.

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