Brew It Yerself, Pol Says
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Democratic candidates elbowed for the lead in sustaining Iowa's ethanol caucus boom during a recent Iowa Public Radio candidates debate, with Dennis Kuspinach (D-OH!) seeming to take the lead with a new tact: "Under my administration, there will be an ethanol plant in every garage!" His Rooseveltian delivery impressed many listeners who immediately went on line to http://www.kuspinichrunsforever.org/ and pledged a record $456 to his flagging campaign. When pressed by moderator--NPR's Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me celeb, Carlos Casttillo--to explain just how the f*&# you plan to do that," Kuspinach flashed his famous lack of smile (rumor has it his tongue is pierced, which doesn't play well in Iowa) and said: "If caucusers will go to my website and make a pledge to become a Friend of Ethanol (TM), they will receive an Energy Independence Starter Kit (TM), which consists of four ears of price-supported Iowa corn, a tax credit and directions on how to build a wind-powered ethanol plant out or recycled campaign posters, suitable for either backyard or basement use."
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Upon further investigation, it should be noted that Kuspinach may have gleaned the idea from George Bush, Jr.'s 2000 campaign proposal to put a "nucular power plant in every backyard, heh," an idea put on hold by his Uncle Dick until complete victory is achieved in the Mideast. Persons-of-spokes for neither The White House (TM) nor the the Kuspinach campaign responded to our repeated plans to contact them for comment. Nor, it should be noted, were we able to get our Homeland Ethanol Plant (TM) to produce as much gasoline substitute as candidates seem to promise. Although, by adding yeast and hops we have produced a drinkable beer and have invited all the candidates over for a post-Caucus party to be held at the Des Moines IHOP (Iowa House Of Politics) (TM) located on the corner of Court and 2nd Avenues. So far only Christopher Dodd (D-CT of West Des Moines) has responded: "Free beer? Damn skippy, I'll be there!" And then after some reflection asked, "I don't have to actually win the caucus to get the beer do I?"
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No, Senator, Iowans are willing to share with anyone--Democrat, Republican--Winners and Losers alike....except, Hillary, she gets all mouthy and tries to dance when drunk.
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dateline: Templeton, Iowa, Artie Azzetti, editor on the lam, Blog Party News Network (BPNN) ©, all rights reworked.
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