Undeclared candidate, Vladimir "Vlad-the-Impeller" Putin, stunned U-2 and G8 attendees in Germany yesterday by hinting that he might be "considering" forming an exploratory people's committee for a "possible" run at the White House. "These days, who isn't?" asked G8 host, Bono, who was sitting in for President George II (G2), who couldn't attend the working breakfast after allegedly vomiting during a pre-breakfast briefing, conjuring memories of his father's (G1) unfortunate 1992 encounter with a Japanese Prime Minister, as well as fanning speculation that he might be pregnant.
"Of course I am an absolute, pure democrat," Vlad quipped while signing autographs at a local Barnes unt Noblesse bookstore in the upscale former East Berlin Checkpoint Charlie shopping district, where he's promoting reemerging Russian ambitions and his new memoir, When 'W' Looked Into My Soul (Randomthoughts Publishing, LLC). Aping opponent Rudy G's rapper delivery style, Vlad, wearing gold chains over a black turtleneck sweater and shoulder holster, went on to recite:
"But you know the problem?
"It's not even a problem...
"It's a real tra-ge-dy."
He then pushed his shades down his sharp nose as though to address viewers directly through the MTV cameras and continued:
"The thing is that...
"I am the only one...
"There just aren't any...
"Others in the world." *
Former Stasi bodyguards then hustled Vlad into an awaiting Trabant sedan, which, after some pushing, sped away in a cloud of blue, two-cycle smoke. Vlad Putin is scheduled to visit Iowa in August with stops at the Iowa State Fair and to open a new IHOP (Iowa House Of Politics TM) in Iowa City.
White House spokesman, Tony Snow, said there was no truth to rumors of the president's pregnancy and that the president and Vlad were still "good friends." Putin, he noted, "is even scheduled for a two-day sleepover at the Bush Ranch."
***
* Actual quote. For complete Putin stump speech go to: http://news.oneindia.in/2007/06/05/i-am-a-pure-absolute-democrat-after-mahatma-gandhi-putin-1180983874.html
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