God Declares For Dems

God, aka: "The Lord," Crosses Aisle to Become a Democrat
dateline: Keene, NH

Not since the early 1960s, has God "The Father" (not affiliated with 'The Godfather' (TM) Paramount Pictures) thrown his weight behind a presidential candidate. "Yeah," his son, Jesus, remarked when reached in Branson, Missouri, "Dad had a lot vested in the Kennedy bunch, but that soured after Bobby..." After a pause, he continued, "He made some inroads into the Republican Party, but, you know how that whole Pat Robertson thing got outa hand..." Again his voice trailed off before concluding, "So he's a Democrat now, although, God knows why. Look, I gotta run, Glen Campbell's due on stage and without me he's got nothing."

The switch from Red God to Blue God was announced last night during the Democratic Candidates' Debate at the IHOP Theater in Keene, New Hampshire. Moderator, Sean Penn, asked candidates to, "Explain in your own words why George W. Bush is evil." Candidate John Edwards was first on the button offering, "I'm glad you asked that question, Sean. As you know, I've long supported God, and now God has announced his support for not only me," Edwards pointed to his own chest before indicating his fellow candidates lined up like TeleTubbies on stage, "but for the Democratic Party as a whole."

Candidate Barack Obama, who'd momentarily ducked behind the rostrum to light a cigarette, took immediate umbrage when he mistakenly assumed that Edwards, an attorney, had called Obama, also an attorney, an "a**-a-hole." After a brief scuffle during which Hilly took the microphone to sell health insurance, and Joey Bidentime made jokes about Edwards' hair--none of which this reporter got--calm returned. Senator Chris Dodd, whose name rhymes with "God" looked stern and, frankly, Godlike with his white hair, throughout.

God 'The Father' could not be reached by any candidate for verification of the endorsement.

***