Monday, June 11, 2007

Tony Soprano Enters Iowa Caucus

In what he sees as "a real threat to Homeland Security, LLC (TM)," embattled Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, promised to get to the source of Sunday night's finale to the long-running NJ campaign of Tony Soprano (D-Passaic Co). Soprano, who couldn't be reached at his Park Ridge home, but was found at nearby Marcy's Tavern, is reported to have replied, "F***, 'em," I'm retired and goin' into national politics; (it) worked for Fred Thompson." He was referring to actor turned Republican front runner, Sen. Fred Thompson of NBC. A map of Iowa was visible on the wall behind the bar, where Soprano spoke casually while thumbing through a packet of Iowa Caucus Flashcards (TM) depicting cows, hogs, straw bales and mugshots of the other candidates.

When asked about the Attorney Generalissimo's threatened investigation, Soprano, smiled, shrugged and ordered manicotti with clam sauce before noting, "I ain't the embattled one here." And as a nod to Iowa, he ordered a bottle of Iowa Vineyards' Dandelion Red. "Tastes like ethanol," Soprano said, "But I'm told ya gotta pretend to like it to stay in the race."

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