Edwards Surges to Left Out in Iowa

In a startling revelation, athwart the ethanol fields of Iowa dreams, TeleTubby (TM) candidate, Eddy 'the Hairman' Edwards, esq., remarked: “You’ve got a woman running who is a very serious candidate!" Apparently shocked (shocked) that a woman could be serious, and having sprayed Diet Mountain Dew (TM) across this Tipton, Iowa (pop 23) audience of casually dressed--one might say, populistly dressed--Edwards loyalists, the struggling Democratic candidate went on to note that besides a "woman" in the race: "You have an African-American candidate running who is new and dynamic.” * His campaign drummer rolled off a rimshot to emphasize the absurdity of anything either new or dynamic coming from the Democratic field, while Eddy adjusted his collar in a practiced Johnny Carson wait-for-the-laughter move. He's still waiting.

Barack Obamalamadama's media afterimage manager, Rev. Al 'the Sharpie' Sharpton, subsequently challenged Eddy's contention of a new dynamism in a court filing and accompanying MTV video, stating, "Barack is mainstream! Mainstream! Mainstream!"

TeleTubby candidate Joey Bidentime, participating in the Hy Vee Triathlon (TM) in Des Moines, was reported to complain: "What gives? When I mentioned that Obamalama-what'sinaname was 'new and dynamic' (he didn't), everyone jumped all over me." He then adjusted his tie and rolled his eyes while adding, "I don't get no respect." That much was verified. He finished well back in the pack at the Triathlon.

Sources report that "New 'n Dynamic" (TM) is the untested campaign slogan for New Diet Lite Mountain Dew.

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*actual quote out of context. For full story as seen by the NY Times go to:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/18/us/politics/18campaign.html?pagewanted=1