Clinton II Doesn't Skip Iowa!

With her Canadian campaign theme song, You & I But Mostly I, eh, © blaring over the Iowa State Fair Ground PA system, TeleTubby (TM) candidate, Hilly 'Spouse o' Bill' Clinton was pulled from a trunk by her husband and set atop a bale of straw. There, as Bill appeared to drink from a water glass, Hilly launched into her stump speech: “You know, if I were as smart as Bill seems to suggest I am, I would say nothing.”*

The crowd cheered. Bill smiled, water dribbling down his chin. Hilly's head swiveled from extreme left to right and almost in a complete circle taking in the applause while flashing her heart-stopping painted grin. And she said nothing.

Husband Bill, whom, Hilly reminded us, had been such a great president that by the end of the impromptu rally attended by dozens of Hilly supporters, few noticed when the ex-president stuffed wife Hilly back into the trunk and climbed upon the straw bale to announce that he was, indeed, really the Clinton running for president, again, and that Hilly--adorable though his puppet was--could not compete against any Republican in 2008. "Bush, perhaps," Bill noted to smug amusement, "But," he added, "That durn Constitution had some clause about Presidents staying too long." When asked by Des Moines Register-Picayune politics-as-entertainment reporter, David Yupson, if Bill would have any issues with that very Constitution, the former two-term president smiled, ah-shucked and the question was withdrawn to great relief and applause.

A barbecue was held immediately after the rally during which candidate Bill bested the State Fair record for number of things-on-a-stick consumed by a candidate in less than 30 minutes. He then challenged all remaining Democratic candidates to a hard-boiled egg eating contest, boasting: "I can eat fifty of 'em!" Only TeleTubby (TM) candidate, Joey Bidentime, who was working the grills at the time accepted the challenge stating, "I've already eaten fifty-one!" By then, though, no one was listening to Bidentime as Bill climbed aboard the Clinton Campaign bus while surviving members of the 70s blandgroup, Fleetwood Big Mac, played:
"Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow.
Don't stop, it'll be here again.
Don't stop thinkin' about the sorrow.
Don't stop...
Or Hilly will run again." © ASCAP, KNEECAP, toss the crowd a bone

A muffled plea for recognition could be heard from the steamer trunk as it was slid into the bus baggage hold.

***

*Actual quote. For full text see NY Times July 3 ©: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/03/us/politics/03clintons.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Dateline: Des Moines, Iowa. Artie Azzetti, Blog Party News editor-on-the-lam