Giuliani Gloats, Edwards Glows

Appearing at an unscheduled grand opening of the newest IHOP (Iowa House Of Politics (TM)) franchise in Sioux City, Iowa, TT candidate Rudy 'The G-Man' Giuliani, responded in RAP to accusations by RAP competitor, Freddie 'Boom-Boom Law And/Or Order' Thompson that he'll "whoop The G-Man into G-Whiz" in the Iowa Republican Strawman Poll (TM) to be held August 11 during the Democrat's Iowa State Fair (TM).

Rapped the 'G-Man' in an impromptu composition he called "I Try Not To" © :
"I try not to, (but)
"I can’t con-trol
"What Thompson does
"And I can’t con-trol
"What Romney does
"And I can’t con-trol
"What John McCain does.”
The G-Man then danced backwards onstage, shifted his baseball cap (NY Yankees) and swung the gold chains around his next before rapping up:
“Maybe I can
"Re-act to
"Ul-ti-ma-te-ly
"What they do?
"But I try and think (pointing to his head)
"A-bout what’s
"Our stra-te-gy
"And our stra-te-gy
"Is to try and have
"A pro-por-tion-ate
"Effort in these states
"To try
"As best we can
"To put ourselves
"In a good position
"In the big states
"And then..."
Rudy spun around, vamped, and pointing his finger at the camera, concluded:
"Try and win
"As many of
"The small-er states
"As pos-si-ble." *

It was unclear if Giuliani thought Iowa was a small state given its geographic size.

Meanwhile, appearing on a poverty stage in West Virginia, TT candidate, Johnny 'The Hairman' Edwards (D-Attorney), wrapped up his Richman/Poorman '07 Tour (TM) with his new campaign song, "Everybody Else,"© to the tune of Paul Anka's (for Frank Sinatra) "My Way" © :

"This cause,

"This march we’re on,

"Is not just about--

"The po-or.”

Edwards paused to indicate the audience and flash his boyish, good-looks grin while untangling his running shoes from the mic cord, and, as the crowd begged for relief, he continued in a different key, because Insta-polling (TM) indicated a need for change:

"Everybody’s at risk.

"Everybody’s vulnerable.”

The band music swelled as Edwards wound up for the big finale:

"Two Americas:

"Are the very rich..."

And after thumping his own chest and shedding a digitally-enhanced tear visible on the large screen behind him, Edwards humbly spread his arms and concluded:

"And ev-er-y-bo-dy...else!” **

Amid fireworks, he then climbed aboard a campaign bus after unfurling a banner that read: Idaho Or Bus!

*****

dateline: Sioux City, Iowa, Artie Azzetti, editor-on-the-lam, The Blog News. ©

*Actual candidate quotes: See NY Times July, 19, 2007

** Actual candidate quotes: (ibid)

All songs and/or RAP ©-protected ASCAP, BMI, BBC, MD, SUX, AM & FM, quoted under the Fair Use Treaty of 1977