"Maybe he's just a little crazy," the line from Miracle on 34th Street pops into some Iowa minds when first encountering Arkansas's newest hope, Mikey Huckleberry (picture on far right), Governor of the Clinton state and active candidate for the Iowa Strawman Poll to be held in Ames on some miserably hot and humid day with no one in attendance.
Not much is known about Governor Huck because without a map, we're not sure where Arkansas is; we keep confusing it with Louisiana, which may explain why Gov Huck emphasises "education" in his Iowa stump speeches. And it should be noted that the candidate's opinions don't seem to be evolving in any sense of the word.
Mr. Huckleberry pins his Iowa Caucus hopes on one item: Taxes. His plan to create a "Fair Tax" so far has fallen on unreceptive audiences as the Iowa Strawman Poll is scheduled to be held during the Iowa State Fair, and candidates plying Iowa political waters should know that, as politics-as-entertainment editor for the Des Moines Register-Picayune, David Yupson, warns: "You don't mess with taxes in the ethanol state, and Governor Huckleberry's plan to institute a tax on the State Fair (the so-called "Fair Tax") is just unworkable in Iowa. It's dead on arrival, like a deep-fried porkchop-on-a-stick."
Deep-fried Porkchop-on-a-stick (TM) is a trademarked item sold at the Iowa State Fair, and no candidate can be expected to win the Strawman Poll, let alone the Iowa Caucus without consuming at least seven Deep-Fried-Porkchop(s)-on-a-stick (TM) . The record is 17 set in 1992 by then candidate Bill Clinton; this after winning the Fastest Deep-Fried-Twinkies Eating Contest. Clinton later vomited on the SkyGlider and was elected president defeating then President George Bush, the Elder.
Mike Huckleberry, 51, Candidate Bio:
The self-admitted bass player and former preacher's biggest achievement to date was having the foresight to be born in the same trailer court in Hope, Arkansas as Hillary Clinton. Rumors that they might've been separated at birth could not be confirmed without research.
Military background: None that shows.
Major Belly Flops: Huckleberry's biggest failure to this point was to lose an election to a guy named "Bumpers." *
Conclusion:
Bubba, Bumpers, and now Hilly/Billy and Huckleberry? It makes writing editorials so, so easy. No content, just say the names: Bubba, Bumpers, Hilly/Billy or Huckleberry...repeat...vote.
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* Dale Bumpers
Iowa Caucus '08 Staff Pick, The Blog Party News ©, all rights wronged, tires balanced while you vote.
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