Sunday, January 27, 2008

The Clintons Whupped Good in SC

NASCAR State All Agog For...No, Not Her
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In a concession speech that can only be described as uninspiring--due, in part, to the ongoing Speechwriters Strike, now in its eight year--suddenly-second-tier presidential hopeful Bill Clintonredux, congratulated his opponent, Barrage Obamalamadama, and refocused The Clintons' (TM) campaign sights on what can be salvaged in the remaining primary days: “We now turn our attention to the millions of Americans who will make their voices heard in...American Samoa....”* And then, to make sure he was taken seriously, he added the obligatory, "As we go forward...you, know, for change!" Seeing no reaction from the dozens of supporters, and this reporter, inside the Fort Sumter Hotel ballroom, Bill then kicked over the microphone stand and stomped offstage while a lone Celine Dion sang, "The Sun Comes Out Tomorrow" in Canadian.
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Bill's running mate, what's her name, wasn't immediately available for comment in the Columbia, SC strip club, The Hanging Chad, where BPNN had set up an all-night poll watch. But, it's rumored that the former head of the once front-running Democratic ticket was headed to Samoa, located somewhere near Hawaii, in hopes of repeating The Clintons (TM) breathtaking Michigan victory by running unopposed.
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*Real quote. There's more to it, but we gleaned the important parts. For the complete concession text go to NYTimes.com
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dateline: Columbia, SC, Artie Azzetti, editor-on-the-lam, Blog Party News Network (BPNN) ©, all rights remanded.

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