Romney Correction

We Goofed

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In yesterday's BPNN Update, our field reporter, Artie Azzetti, referred to the former governor of some northeastern, liberal state--where gay abortions are required when purchasing a handgun--as Milton Willard Romney, aka "Mittens." He erred and, if he could be contacted, Azzetti would no doubt be concerned, as we are, that his mistake had been discovered. Milton Willard was actually the name of a TV cartoon dinosaur, voiced by Sandy Becker, on WPIX in New York City in the late 1950s. Governor Romney's real name is Willard Milton, and apparently went by the nickname, Willy, as in this kid gives us the willies. For that reason, and with an eye toward a possible presidential run in 2008, Willy, in 1959, had his nickname legally changed to Mitt, named for the family dog, which unfortunately disappeared on a summer vacation road trip and therefore, was unavailable for comment. This was almost confirmed when our research staff attempted to contact Wilton Millard's son, Zip, at Romney's New Hampshire campaign headquarters on the shores of Lake Sunapee near Keene. However, after winning yet another "silver medal" in yesterday's primary, the entire Romney staff decamped before we could get a comment. The Romneys were reportedly headed to Wyoming where Mitt, the former governor of that state where everyone is named Kennedy, could savor his one "gold medal" win.

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The entire staff of the Blog Party News Network and its IHOP affiliate, the International House Of Paranoia, sincerely regret any discomfort or inconvenience this error may have caused us.

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Meanwhile, in a curious upset, former Governor Mike Huckleberry (R-ARmageddon) turned in a surprisingly weak third-place finish behind Romney and Senator John McCain (R-AZ). Initially, BPNN exit polls suggested that New Hampshire voters--unlike Iowans--couldn't bring themselves to vote for a Hanna-Barbera character in an election where characters count. But, then, it was reported that just minutes before the polls opened 86% of Huckleberry supporters had actually been swept heavenward in an ill-timed Republican Rapture that pushed McCain over the finish line ahead of God's chosen one. God was reportedly mulling his/her options.

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On the Democrat field, The Clintons (TM) scored an even curiouser upset against Senator Obamalamadama, winning that primary by enough margin to ensure gas money toward next week's Michigan primary. At dawn today, a crocodile-teary Hillary could be seen at the wheel of the Clintons' Count Your Change campaign bus leaving the granite-willed state.

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dateline: Lindys Diner, Keene, NH, Blog Party News Network (BPNN) ©, all rights perceived.