Wallace and Davis To Team? They'll Have Competition...
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Two unknowns swept the Iowa Caucus (TM) last night, stunning old-guard party stalwarts on both sides of the now crumbling aisle while potentially changing the face of American politics. Senator Hillary Rodham (D-NY) and former Governor Jeb Bush (R-FL), seemed to come out of nowhere to win Hawkeye hearts and minds. Little is known of these two centrist, erudite politicians who have smashed the mold of what’s expected in Beltway politics. (Not that we understand any of those metaphors, but are required by a vague code of journalistic ethics to use them while "going forward.")
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In his concession speech, Mitt Romney (R-MA) said: “In the next ten years, we'll see more progress, more change than the world has seen in the last ten centuries,”* thus admitting that his campaign theme, “Return With Me To the Middle Ages!” was ill advised. He’s reported to have fired all five sons from his campaign payroll, telling them to “Go get real jobs, ya bums.” Three have reportedly joined the Army, now that they’re no longer encumbered by a promise to help elect their Daddy to the White House.
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Rudy Giuliani, reached at the North Miami AARP Supper Club during the Early Bird Surge, told reporters: “9-11…9-11…terror….9-11…no cole slaw, just a pickle, dear….9-11….”
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Fred Thompson (R-NBC), who scored a respectable 14% in the caucus said he’d release a victory statement as soon as the writers strike ended and he was given his lines.
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Dennis Kuspinach (D-OH!) watched the Caucus results on his iPhone in the IHOP** coffee shop in Dayton, where he and Ralph Nader plotted an alliance for 2012. They reportedly left no tip.
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In his concession speech, Mitt Romney (R-MA) said: “In the next ten years, we'll see more progress, more change than the world has seen in the last ten centuries,”* thus admitting that his campaign theme, “Return With Me To the Middle Ages!” was ill advised. He’s reported to have fired all five sons from his campaign payroll, telling them to “Go get real jobs, ya bums.” Three have reportedly joined the Army, now that they’re no longer encumbered by a promise to help elect their Daddy to the White House.
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Rudy Giuliani, reached at the North Miami AARP Supper Club during the Early Bird Surge, told reporters: “9-11…9-11…terror….9-11…no cole slaw, just a pickle, dear….9-11….”
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Fred Thompson (R-NBC), who scored a respectable 14% in the caucus said he’d release a victory statement as soon as the writers strike ended and he was given his lines.
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Dennis Kuspinach (D-OH!) watched the Caucus results on his iPhone in the IHOP** coffee shop in Dayton, where he and Ralph Nader plotted an alliance for 2012. They reportedly left no tip.
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* true quote
** International House Of Pathos, not affiliated with Iowa House Of Politics or the International House Of Pancakes.
dateline: Bush 08 HQ, West Des Moines, Iowa, Artie Azzetti, Blog Party News Network (BPNN) © all rights reserved and defended in order to maintain a well regulated militia.
dateline: Bush 08 HQ, West Des Moines, Iowa, Artie Azzetti, Blog Party News Network (BPNN) © all rights reserved and defended in order to maintain a well regulated militia.
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