Friday, January 4, 2008

Markets Crash As Huckabee Blitzes Iowa

Chaos in the IHOP *
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Not since the burning of Atlanta or the fall of Miss Saigon have fictionalized images so dramatically captured a made-for-TV political crisis. With Huckleberry supporters whooping it up until nearly 11 PM CST last night, Des Moines residents found no rest after months of relentless siege by political warlords and their armies of inhuman robo-dialers.
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Just before dawn the voters had had enough, though, and the last of the Hillary campaign staff had to be airlifted off the Embassy Suites rooftop by helicopter. Aides reportedly tried to rally campaign volunteers--desperate for change--who tried to climb aboard and were last seen clinging to the copter's skids as it disappeared toward New Hampshire and an uncertain future. By first light, the Huckleberry troops controlled the city--smiling, helping old ladies across streets and brandishing their bass guitars and bibles.
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Apparently, in reaction to this stunning political upset, stock markets around the world performed a collective plotz. Japan's markets sank over 4%, while the Dow Jones shed over 200 points. "It's a scary number," Joe Balestrino, senior portfolio manager at Federated Investors, said in response to an unrelated issue, but we liked the quote so much we've used it here without relevance, permission or footnote. "No question about it," Joe added, again, on that other issue. "No matter how good you wanted to feel...(and he added more facts we didn't need)...there is far less conviction than even two or three days ago."
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Conviction, indeed. And where does that leave Iowa? Alone, between two very cold rivers, I'll tell ya. Abandoned like last night's prom date, without a friend as these candidates leave for other states; there to make promises, eat more things on a stick and pretend as though they--the candidates--actually want to attend your state fair or sit in your cafes and drink your weak coffee. Well, wake up, America. It happened in Iowa and can happen to you.
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Democracy--It's not just for Iraq. And Caucus. It's not just a guttural word anymore; it's the name of a new movie by Michael Moore about how Iowa did its part to keep this country entertained until the writers strike ended.
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* IHOP: Iowa House Of Politics
dateline Des Moines, Artie Azzetti, editor-on-the-lam, Blog Party News Network (BPNN) ©, all rights rehashed.

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